How to Become idealistic?

Idealism

‘We want the good life.’

From a very young age we come to consent to what is demanded of us as we age.

We get indoctrinated with the ideals of life of which we must adhere to.

So much in fact that we become idealistic dreamers who refuse to accept reality. How many people dream of their life further down the road?

---When I’m thirty I will be married.

---When I am married I will be happy.

---When I am earning money, I will be content.

Their lives are consumed escaping to the future and a stubborn refusal to live in the present. They live their lives with the promise of reward at the destination and overlook the journey. Our lives become narcissistically commoditized.

We unconsciously learn that material achievement is the path to living the good life. Life is far too great to waste it on ideals. In doing so we reject our naked selves as acceptable. We turn our very existence into failure that can only be alleviated by accomplishment.

We put the fate of our happiness in others. It is almost as if we are too afraid to live by our own conviction. Life thus becomes about the end and not the journey. The end is the ideal methodology of living based on conformism.

We internally say that marriage, work and family are the stepping stones to happiness. We dismiss our own existence as a means to be happy and thus in this chase of happiness we remain unhappy.
Some of course achieve happiness through materialistic means but it is a hazardous happiness for what becomes of the individual when he or she no longer can achieve?

Very often these individuals use their children’s lives as a prop to further their achievement. If the child achieves, the parent feels happy. But if the child fails the parent too fails. We are doped on this idealism of “the good life.” It is like a rainbow of which gladness lies at its end. But we keep chasing and chasing and never ever reach the end of the rainbow and die having forgotten to live.

We don’t even chase happiness it must be asserted. We chase the labels that we assume will make us happy. Thus, a man says: When I have the pretty wife, the big house and the inflated financial account, then I will be happy.

And the woman says: When I have the in-demand husband, the esteemed job and the family nucleus, I too will be happy. Their happiness is commoditized. It is based on labels that they advertise to their peers. When they win their contemporaries acclaim they thus feel content. Alas it is a diseased happiness that needs servicing just like any addiction and more to the point it is a happiness that will not survive the senility.

The means to be happy as I have referenced throughout these notes is to just be happy to exist in this tense unforgiving universe. Seeking approbation is the devil of our soul. What makes people adhere to the rules of the road? A lot of it is unconscious. Seldom does someone defy the rules and drive erratically because they unconsciously are programmed not to do so.

Just be happy to exist. Be a realist. Life is tough. The universe is indifferent. But find consolation in your lonely existence and try to just be happy to be. Change your perception of what is the ideal life. It is not work and family. The ideal life is simply being alive, so make the most of it. The good life is more than a label. It is a feeling. There is “in love” the label and “in love” the feeling.

Life is but a flicker of light between birth and death and like thunder it disappears so abruptly. If one tries to force the issue in life they will fail. If one tries to find friends, love or happiness, they will fail. These things originate from instinctive spontaneity. One cannot consciously try to have a friend. They are friends. One cannot consciously try to be in love, they simply love. One cannot consciously try to be happy. They either are happy or they are not. Paradoxically one can only find success, love or themselves when they are not looking.

We spend our lives looking for success when existing is the only success. People search and search and are left searching at the end of it all. They search externally and fail to search within themselves. Happiness is not the meaning of life. To love your life is the meaning and from this dichotomy happiness becomes collateral. One cannot try to be happy. No such thing exists.

Try to be grateful to be alive and the happiness will pour from the skies. One must overcome their narcissistic gratification. One should attach their happiness to their own existence and not to another person or object. We are unconsciously trained to only see happiness in relationships and careers. We are doped through education alike to believe that our success lies in them two facets of life.

These are only models of happiness and not final by any means. If one is unconsciously trained to see existence on these two terms they can be trained to see happiness on other terms. You cannot be happy with narcissism even if you possess minute quantities of it. It is a disorder of fear and threats. “If I do not do this, people will laugh at me.

If I don’t marry people will laugh at me. If I don’t look attractive, people will laugh at me. If I don’t work a certain job, people will laugh at me.” Narcissists are to cut to the core of it afraid and that is why they conform, to retrieve admiration, which provides snippets of gratification, but it is a diseased and temporary happiness. Narcissists in order to mature must distance themselves from the herd, which is exceedingly difficult in this world.

How to fight boredom?

Boredom ‘In life you must choose between boredom and everything else.’ Buddhism lectures its followers on many things. It tells us to forego the materialistic side of things in favour of the simple life. It tells us to stop hunting happiness and instead to just be happy. One other thing that it strives to teach is that man must become tolerant of his boredom to become free.

Our lives are a constant battle against boredom. Man lives to evade boredom and thus is a slave to avoiding it. We go out and meet people, we watch a film and we read a book or listen to the news to negate boredom. All man’s problems arise from his inability to sit quietly by himself and tolerate his existence. So a man feels bored and then does something that he may regret to neutralize that boredom.

All our struggles can be rewound back towards the quest to avoid boredom. If we could just be cheerful with ourselves and more accepting of ourselves we would live a richer life bereft of pain. But no, we become servants to addictions because we seek to avoid boredom. It is said that man is the only animal that cannot tolerate himself.

Man, unlike a dog cannot sit and remain passive for hours at a time. He must be entertained. He must be passing the time with some activity. The pursuit of happiness becomes an addiction. People say when they have achieved X, Y and Z they will be happy. But like all addictions it is only provisional and the mind reboots itself and demands more.

There is happiness one hunts which is an addiction and there is happiness one possesses which is freedom from addiction. We escape one addiction to another. We leap from one tyranny to another. We are indoctrinated to not be self-aware. We are conditioned to escape unto others. We are martyrs to our own incapacity to enjoy ourselves. We must lose ourselves in the world in order to pass the time. But this sometimes means we go too far and we make mistakes. We stare into the abyss for too long and eventually we fall in.

All life’s problems arise from our poor tolerance of boredom. We are addicted to feeling good. We want others to make us feel good. It’s a game. We say to ourselves we won’t value that other person unless they emotionally subsidize us. The problem is we become inured on other folks to make us feel comforted and reject our own existence. Education when young has us drip fed on others. So much that we cannot tolerate our own naked self. If you can indulge your boredom then you will become free.

If you can sit by yourself and be content, then you will become free. If you can gaze and gaze into the stars at night and find solace in such an activity you will become free. A relationship and a film are both means to escape. We pour ourselves into them to escape boredom. But they are dangerous because what happens if they fail to assist someone escape. To escape oneself is to tolerate ones boredom and is the best means of escape. People need to learn to be happy to just be. Become more self-aware of what you are doing and why you do it.

The common man is no different from the drug addict whose life is centred on heroin, except the common man’s addictions are conversation and entertainment. Time is so precious and yet we are pressed to kill it at every given moment. We are compelled to do so because we cannot handle the boredom. To become free, one must revel in their ennui. They must become accepting of life.

They must find warmth in the frigid monotony. We are schooled to look for happiness or to look for love but they can only be found deep within. Our salvation lies within us, not around us. We are emotionally dependent on external aspects for our happiness and when one stakes their joy on others they most certainly play with dice.

What do you know about your identity?

Identity ‘Man is his identity.’

Our identity along with our socio-economic status leads us to evolve an egocentric view of our lives. Our identity is our name, face and personality. Because we have a unique identity we think that we have an anomalous status in the world. We thus traverse through life under the illusion that we are distinct. We live as if we are a god and immortal. As long as we are popular our identity is positive. So as long as we are in demand in life, we remain warm.

But what becomes of old age when we lose our looks and possibly our ability. We never realize our own worthlessness, our own repetition and our own mortality until it is too late. People are deluded when they are sane. They put an over emphasis on their identity and develop a narcissistic view of their existence. They feel they are worthy.

Their identity leads them to believe that they have greater merit in the world than they should. When they should see atoms of tissue they see a face. When they should see letters of a word they see a name. When they should see neurons firing on synapses they see a personality. Our unconscious awareness of our identity (name, face and personality) coupled with the fact that we can talk using language, strives to make man believe he is distinguished.

He comes to regard himself as a god over all other animals. He thus comes to believe that he deserves more in life if he is under achieving. He fails to see that he exists on a planet that is spherical. Daily life is flat and about popularity and family and work. Identity is so important to the world economically for it means man turns a blind eye on the darkness of the universe in favour of this shallow existence we call life.

His identity urges him to conform and hides the existential truth from him. As long as man has an inflated view of his existence through his identity he will not be free. Freedom comes from realizing the awful truths of existence. Freedom comes from the anxiety of life. Be addicted only to your own freedom. We wait for our world to change us, when only we can change our world. One must give birth to themselves daily.

The longest study on Happiness

The longest study on Happiness

Grouch Marx once ironically stated, “My son, happiness is made of little things: a small yacht, a little mansion, a small fortune…” And yet, look at all the unhappy men with bulging wallets. Happiness is a widely discussed topic, and still it is quite disconcerting. In fact, many sociological studies show that most people have no idea what it is that makes them happy.

Money, love, and health. It seems that the only external component that really makes us happy is love, and the intensity of our relationships is what makes us happiest the longest.

As one of the characters of the movie Into the Wild puts it, “Happiness is only real when shared.” According to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger in a recent survey of what were the most important goals for young people, 80% of the respondents said they wanted to be millionaires. In addition, half of them also wanted to be famous.

This is why we work hard, to achieve those goals and achieve more. We are given the impression that these are the things that we must pursue in order to be happy, but to what extent is it so? Fame or money, "it is not that they are bad, there are happy famous people and  unhappy famous people" added the Academic.

One study shows that beyond a level where our needs are met, an increase in income will not necessarily make us happy. "We're not saying that you can not propose to earn more money or be proud of your work and that others notice it, but it's important not to expect your happiness to depend on those things." At Harvard University in 1938, an investigation began into what makes us happy by monitoring the mental, emotional and physical state of 724 young people ranging from the highest 

social classes to the lowest.

One of the participants was a US president [John F. Kennedy]. For decades they answered questionnaires about their family, work, and their life in the community. The investigation continues even after almost 80 years with more than 2000 people from the children of the original participants.

American psychiatrist Robert Waldinger is the current director of the study, the fourth since its inception. He gave a TED Talk about the Project: "What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on Happiness", which became viral with millions of reproductions. Waldinger said: "There are many conclusions in this study, but the important thing to keep ourselves happy and healthy throughout our lives, is the quality of our relationships." Feeling lonely has to do with how many friends we have, whether we are in a relationship or if we get 1000 likes in our social networks. "The social tendency is to isolate ourselves, to stay at home in front of our screens, but in my own life I have realized that when I am happier it is when I am not doing that", adds the director. Our happiness depends on the quality of connection that we have with friends, colleagues, and family.

This means creating relationships by feeling comfortable with yourself, being able to count on the other person if you need it. Those who do so will be happier and healthier for longer. If anything, I learned from traveling that the places themselves were not important but rather the people I met. When it comes to choosing my favourite cities, I chose the ones where I formed strong relationships with others. Places can give you the atmosphere, can be the complement, but I think it's the people who make a complete experience.

When I was traveling alone for almost 2 years, I ended up on an island paradise in southern Cambodia, Koh Rong. It's known for its beauty and the high risk of diseases such as the dengue virus. Walking along the beaches, one would see packs of wild dogs keeping away the deadliest snakes in the world. Having just arrived on the island, they offered me excursions of all kinds. None of them gained my interest. I imagined myself traveling on a boat to different, probably incredible beaches but with nothing I would not have seen before.

I had already lost the excitement for that and preferred to go party and meet new people. As it typically happens on a paradise island, I meet a girl who caught my eye. In my humble and objective gaze she was more attractive than any of the beaches on the island. She invited me to go with her friends on one of the boat trips, the ones that bored me. I accepted it as it now sounded exciting, and it turned out to be amazing, maybe one of the best tours I have ever done. And definitely was because of her. It was in Bromo, Indonesia, where I met a Frenchman and two Germans and we made our own way to cross the Volcano instead of paying for a tour. It was on the coast of Thailand, when we made a big group of friends from all over the world and we swam in the sea to an outcrop of stones to snorkel among five-foot-long sharks. In Sydney, Australia, we played massive games of football in the big parks of the city every Sunday.

The same happened to me when I arrived in Paris. I liked Paris, it was nice, but what made it incredible was seeing my sister for the first time in more than two years. I had many other good solo tours too but the ones I remember most were the ones I shared with someone. As a phrase by Tim Cahill puts it, "A trip is better measured in friends than in miles" According to the data collected in his study, Waldinger asserted that one could predict who would live longer, not because of their cholesterol but because of the degree of satisfaction in their relationships.

As the writer Gabriel G. Marquez said: "No medicine cures what happiness cannot". On the other hand, those who are lonely and less connected than they would like, will have less satisfaction and health in their lives. They will be less happy, more susceptible to both physical and psychological problems and their brain function will deteriorate (greater memory loss for example). This does not mean that we should like everyone, nor that we should be happy all the time. It doesn't mean that you will never fight or have any disagreement! That is impossible! It is about putting more attention on connecting with others in a more genuine way. If this is done, any dispute will be easier to cope with. Now, why is it so difficult to accomplish this? Waldinger states that 1 in 5 people report feeling lonely. It is also said that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce, not to mention that another large percentage remains united but unhappy.

Relationships are complicated and have little glamour when compared to money or fame. I believe that relationships are overestimated, believed to be something that should flow naturally, when in fact they depend on a lot of work and understanding. A quote from Jim Rohn, which I believe is appropriate for any kind of relationship: “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "if you take care of me I will take care of you." Now I say, "I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me." There are infinite options on how to work on relationships: Whether we spend more time with our loved ones, rebuild broken relationships, cook with someone, try new activities, or see people we have not seen for a long time. There is no “quick fix” for a good life. Nurturing your relationships takes energy and commitment.

How to Keep your brain healthy?

Keep your brain healthy

Keep your brain active

Keep your brain fit by exercising it – challenge it by stretching it and learning something new, whether through stimulating conversation, crosswords, or learning a language, a new skill or a musical instrument.

Stimulate your senses

Our senses need to be kept alive, too. Appeal to the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell and taste. Listen to music that lifts your mood, place flowers where you will see and smell them, massage your hands and feet, or sip a warm drink.

Engage in meaningful, creative work

Do things that challenge your creativity, make you feel productive and have a positive impact on others, whether or not you get paid for them. Being useful to others and being valued for what you do can help build self-esteem.

Strive for balance

Try to maintain a balance between your daily responsibilities, looking after yourself and doing the things you enjoy. Balance the time, effort and energy you put into yourself, your study and work, and your family, friends, community, hobbies and other activities. Balance gives you better perspective, makes you and your life more interesting, and gives you the skills and connections you need to be better prepared to deal with challenges if and when they arise.

Learn to appreciate the moment

Life is short and we so often get caught up in the whirlwind that we forget to live in the present moment. Practise enjoying the moment you are in and the things you are doing.

Learn to reflect Make time for contemplation and appreciation.

Meditate, pray, enjoy the sunset or something you find beautiful, incorporate a relaxation technique into your daily routine or simply take a moment to pay attention to what is good, positive and beautiful as you go about your day. Think about what you read, and find out how you can use the information in your life. Look into yourself and into your mind, and try to find out what it is that makes you feel conscious, alive and happy.

Work towards goals

Having something to work towards is good for everybody. What that something is depends on you and your life. The achievement of milestones towards goals and the self-discipline required naturally leads to a sense of hopefulness and a greater ability to overcome despair, helplessness and other negative thoughts.

Learn and maintain good ways of dealing with difficulties

Be positive

Be optimistic. Try to recognise and be grateful for whatever it is that brings happiness and fulfilment to your life. Think positively and develop the happiness habit, by choosing a predisposition towards happiness. Open the door for the positive and don’t let the negative dwell. Happiness comes from within. Don’t let the outside world decide your happiness for you.

Learn from life’s lessons

Learn from difficult situations, accept they have happened, face their reality, take responsibility for your part in them, learn and move on with life. We have all made mistakes and poor decisions in our lives, but we have all made good ones, too. So learn and leave regrets behind, because regretting cannot change the mistakes we’ve made.

Limit unhealthy mental habits like worrying and regret

Try to avoid becoming absorbed by repetitive mental habits such as worry, regret and negative thoughts about yourself and the world. They waste time, drain your energy, trigger feelings of anxiety, fear and depression and don’t lead to positive outcomes. Consider whether what you are worrying about really matters, and if it does, try to generate a solution to the problem. If you find that you are worrying about something that might never happen, try to let it go, or even distract yourself with a physical or social activity.

Learn to release anger and let go of grudges

Anger can be constructive as long as it is expressed acceptably. We sometimes need it to give us the momentum to deal with injustices, make changes in our lives or deal with issues. So work constructively through anger via positive actions towards better outcomes. Holding on to anger or resentment builds emotional toxicity, which ultimately affects your overall health.

Manage your stress levels and learn to relax

Stress takes a heavy toll on mental and emotional health, so it’s important to keep it under control. While not all stressors can be avoided, stress management strategies and learning to relax can help you bring things back into balance.

The strategies that work for you will be individual to you, but make them positive ones and have a number of methods to fall back on. You may want to take some yoga classes, learn to meditate or incorporate a relaxation technique into your routine. You may want to exercise, listen to or play music, garden or paint, cook or play with your children.

Besides having fun and not taking yourself too seriously, it’s a good idea to integrate relaxation strategies into your routine for those times when life gets somewhat overwhelming.

Different needs at different life stages of the woman's life

Different needs at different life stages

Women’s health needs change throughout their lives and it is very important for them to have access to the right information and services at the right time to achieve the best health. Women have many important transition points in their lives. The social, emotional, economic and hormonal changes women experience at these transition points can make them especially vulnerable to health problems.

Having access to the information and services you need at each of these stages can give you better control of your preventative health care and health-management decisions and can help prevent health risk factors from ‘adding up’ throughout your life. Young women can be under pressure to be successful at school and university, to be popular, to conform to stereotypes and to look attractive.

All of this can increase the chance of risky behaviours such as drinking too much alcohol and having unprotected sex, and can lead to an unhealthy body image and eating disorders. The Australian Bureau of Statistics reported in 2007 that nearly one in three young women has a mental health disorder.

When women begin to think about having a family, they face a whole new set of health issues. Because these days women are older when they have children, they may not find it as easy to get pregnant as they hoped. Women who are pregnant or who have recently become mothers have a high risk of depression, and balancing parenting and work responsibilities can affect women’s health in many ways.

In midlife women often experience more life events and changes than at any other time. This is a time of physical transition, when menopause may cause a range of physical symptoms, depression and anxiety, as well as an increased risk of other health problems such as osteoporosis and heart disease.

At the same time, adult children may be leaving home and new opportunities for work and leisure may open up. Many women in this life stage, however, take on the role of caring for an elderly parent, which creates another range of emotional and physical challenges.

Women are making up a larger proportion of the old and very old population groups in Australia. Older women have specific health needs that are often influenced by outliving their partners, being less economically secure than men, and having much higher rates of age-related health problems such as dementia, arthritis and osteoporosis than men of the same age. Older women are often invisible in Australian society

The secret of happiness!

The Danes´s secret of Happiness In 2012, the UN declared March 20 as World Happiness Day. Since then Denmark has held the top spot for three consecutive years followed by: Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia and Sweden as the ten happiest countries worldwide, according to The World Happiness Report 2016.

What is their secret to happiness in this cold country that has only four hours of sunshine a day in winter, one of the highest tax rates in the world and a larger population of pigs than of humans? No, it's not the little pigs. They call it Hygge, and it is of Danish Origin. Hygge directly translates as "cozy", although it comes from a Norwegian word meaning "Well-being". The idea of this concept appeared written for the first time in the 19th century and has continued to evolve forming part of Danish culture. If a Dane described it, they would say it is sitting in front of the fireplace on a cold night with a cup of hot chocolate (or a glass of whiskey, for those who prefer) next to a friend or partner. Beyond this nice description, Hygge is deeper and more abstract than that.

Its concept is not related to something in itself but rather to a state or attitude. It has more to do with a way of feeling than anything else. This could be taken in different ways, such as: watching a movie in the living room of our home, lying in our favorite chair with a hot coffee, a family reunion, hugging our partner under the sheets while we talk all night, playing a football game every Sunday with our friends or even the time we spend reading a good book.

The idea is to relax and feel "at home" as much as possible. It is a concept that transcends social classes because it can be found in the simplest form. Once or twice a year I would meet with my twin brothers, we would sit in the garden of our family home on a wooden bench, it was not exactly comfortable but it faced the pool. In the summer the moon was white, probably more white than the skin of the Danes with their 4 hours of sunshine.

Although none of us smoke, we would light a Cuban cigar and pass  it around as if it were a peace pipe shared among American Indians, chatting for a few hours while the dogs slept around us. We also played football every Sunday, but I guess those talks really embody the idea of Hygge for me, Argentinian style.

According to Helen Russell, author of the book "The Year of Living in Danes:

Discovering the Secrets of the Happiest Country in the World". The great Danish secret is: "Spend a relaxed and cozy time with friends and family, drink coffee or beer". "Hygge has to do with being good to yourself: pamper yourself, have a good time, not to punish yourself or deny yourself of anything." Despite the simplicity of the concept, an interesting point of all this is to be able to recognize how it can affect our happiness if we put it into practice.

Remember it has little to do with routine, it´s more of a state of being or feeling. Another point that I personally think plays an important role in Hygge is trust. In her Ted Talk "Planting Seeds Of Happiness The Danish Way" Malene Rydahl announces that in Denmark 80% of people trust in others while in the rest of Europe it fluctuates by 25%. The important thing is to start with yourself, to be a reliable person, because that is the basis for any relationship. Being a dependable person is based on doing what you say you will, and saying when you will not.

During my travels I meet a Danish girl called Manna who readley responded to some questions about Hygge.

Here are the answers:

1 - How do you describe Hygge? Hygge can be a lot of different things. To understand it fully, you first must understand that there are different types of the word. You can use the word as a noun, verbum or adjective. How you use it, depends on the situation.

Noun: Hygge as a noun can be a feeling, an action or an atmosphere. Feeling: ”Jeg hygger mig virkelig til denne genforening/Det var virkelig hyggeligt at se dig” (I’m really having a good time during this reunion/It was really nice seeing you again) Verbum: “Kom, lad os hygge os!" (Come, let’s have fun”) Adjective: “Hvor bor I hyggeligt” (Wow, you guys live really cozy”)

2 - Which are the more normal ways to have Hygge in Denmark

In Denmark it is normal to hygge each day! Hygge is, to me, about finding it in very little part of the day. Whether it is on the job or in your spare time. The more normal ways to hygge in Denmark, is with your family or good friends.

- A summer evening, the barbeque is on and you all sit in the sun, talking about everything - you feel glad and all worries have left your body.

- A winter evening, with your significant other. The snow is laying as a white carpet and you sit inside with a cup of tea. For me, it is also to take a walk with my dogs in the forest. Just them and me, hearing the birds and the noise the dogs make when they sniff around. Hygge for me is also to sit with my family and talk, play a board game or just have a good laugh.

3 - Is hygge just having a good time or goes much deeper than that?

Hygge is something that's occurs, when the conditions are just right. Therefore, you can’t arrange for a good time. You can’t demand someone or yourself to have a good time. You can create some good conditions by arranging a room in a special way or spending time with people you care about, but it does not mean that it will be nice. If you exert too much, it will be an awkward feeling and “hygge” would be affected. So, to answer the question I would say it goes much deeper than that. You can have all the right physical conditions to have a good time - but in the end, it all depends on the situation, your mood and the mood your friends or family are in. You can’t force a good time to come, if the mental conditions are not right. 

4 - How important is the trust in Denmark and do you consider is it crucial for your happiness?

Trust in Denmark is a big thing. If you live far out in the countryside, some people don’t even lock their doors or cars, some even let their keys be in the car! Although this is not seen very often, it happens. In the countryside, those people who do not lock their doors trust that their neighbors will not interfere with their private belongings. In addition, they also trust that their neighbors will keep an eye on their house when on vacation. In the big city, parents have their children to sleep outside of their homes in a stroller. If you walk in the street with your friends and talk, it will be normal to slow down the noise level as you approach the baby carriage.

This means that in Denmark there is also a certain amount of respect for other people and their personal lives. It's the same with the unlocked door in the countryside - most people who live out there respect each other's private property.

For another hand, some older Danes warn that the Hygge is no longer what it was because watching television and using smartphones are considered to be part of it. What is the problem? It is said that socializing is reduced, which formed much of this practice.

As we discussed earlier Hygge emphasizes an emotional state and could even be called spiritual. As we talked about in the last chapter, creating a connection with other people is more important, and nurturing our relationships will create greater happiness in our lives.

Why we are so unhappy?

Why we are so unhappy?

Why is it we live in the era of greater comfort and yet complain more?

- Why is it we have become more wealthy and are still not any happier?

- Why are we more unhappy coming second place in a competition than coming third?

In his Ted talk "Why we are so unhappy," economist and entrepreneur Nat Ware, explains how bad we are at predicting our own happiness. "The first step to being happy is to understand why we can often become unhappy. Many decisions we make for our own satisfaction are based on logical and pragmatic results, when our happiness is actually based on more relative values", states Nat.

His conclusion? Expectations. When our expectations exceed our experiences a gap is created, this is the main cause of our unhappiness. Thus, the moment we generate high expectations, we go against our own happiness by making it almost impossible for reality to equate to this. The problem is that when an expectation is set, it is difficult for us to accept another result.

As strange as it is, this is why we are more unhappy at coming second place in a competition than coming third. The desire to come first is much stronger than to come second. Being the poorest of the rich is less satisfying than being the richest of the poor because comparatively we feel that we have less. This also explains how poorer countries can be much happier than other more developed countries, even if they lack basic resources. Their expectations are lower and they need less to be satisfied. As Agustin of Hippo said: "The richest man is not he who has the most but he who needs the least."

The same can happen with our expectations of a relationship. For most of us, our needs were satiated by our parents, making us feel completely safe.

This unconsciously creates us an ideal of love and the expectations we have of our partner in adulthood. Something that is actually far from reality and is somewhat unfair. The love received by our parents could never be a functional model with a loving partner. Without going into too much in detail, the reason is because when we are children, love is not reciprocal, basically they attend to our needs, but not their own. Additionally, the adulation for our parents will probably blind us to the ups and downs of their relationship.

Furthermore, Disney movies are another more popular conditioner of this idealization of love. All this can create extremely high expectations of our partner generating very large gaps.

Nat distinguishes 3 types of gaps on which we base our expectations:

1- Our imagination
2- Those around us
3- Our past

1) Our Imagination

This happens when what we imagine surpasses the reality of our experiences. It's like when we see a movie or place that is not as great as we had imagined. Ware also claims that our decision-making process undermines our happiness. We make decisions based on choosing what we believe is a better option.

We can choose Paris over Jakarta, buy a newer model of car or choose one person over another, thinking it will make us happier...  however this is not always the case. Nat adds that technology makes this even worse. We think one photo is better than an another because it has 200 "likes" instead of only 3. Likewise, the use of photo shop produces sensational images, a romanticized sense of travel. Marketing is also guilty by promoting expectations about products by creating an idealized image of what it is. Or beauty standards that are so high it generates lower self-esteem and depression (and of course, higher sales).

2) Those around us

Humans function in contrasts. I will know that my new car is better because I compare it to the old one.

We compare our reality based on our experience with that of others. We judge what we have depending on the people around us. If I earn 50,000 a year and my neighbors are poor, I will feel richer. If I earn the same money, but my neighbors earn 5 times more, I will feel poorer. This is also because our social position matters.

Meik Wiking gives an example in his talk Ted "The dark side of the happiness". In countries with lower unemployment rate, being unemployed can be more devastating because much more pressure is placed on us, we question ourselves more, not being able to blame the economy.

Meik also talks about social networking being another one of our worst enemies. Each person constantly displays their best news of the day, showing "perfect lives" and creating unattainable standards, distorting our perception of reality.

The researcher tells us about an investigation taking two groups, one of them would stop using social networks for a week and the other would continue to use it normally.

The result?
The group that left it for a week reported significantly greater satisfaction with life compared to the group that continued using social networks. This led to the conclusion that being exposed to the happiness of other people can have negative effects on our own happiness. Without getting too far off subject, Meik ended the issue commenting that this generated a paradox in happiness, making the countries with greater happiness also have more suicides. Returning to Nat, the same thing happens with physical appearance.

If we surround ourselves with people who look less attractive they will make us feel more beautiful and by contrast, others will perceive us as more attractive. On the contrary, surrounding ourselves with more attractive people will make us look and feel less attractive. Nat, in his great wisdom, recommends going out dancing with friends less attractive than ourselves. A big issue is that we tend to prioritize those who have more, which makes us feel that we have less than we actually do, adds Nat. The problem is that as we move forward, we compare ourselves with those who are still higher up, becoming a vicious circle.

3) Our past experiences

We feel happier when we perceive that we are progressing from the past. If two different people have same income, but one has increased and the other decreased compared with a year ago, the former will feel happier. Nat also notes that many times we can harm the happiness of our children.

If we give them everything from the beginning it can be counterproductive for them when they want to get ahead. It´s the same if we tell them that they are special or that they can achieve everything that they want as an incentive. You cannot be a ballet dancer if you are in a wheel chair. It only creates more disappointment as they grow up and get an ordinary job or fail in many of their goals, like starting their first business, as most of them do.

DIRECT AND INDIRECT CANCER-CAUSING

DIRECT AND INDIRECT CANCER-CAUSING 

TOXINS Before we continue, it is probably best to provide a little kiddies´ guide to toxins and cancer.

 There are a number of ways you can develop cancer. Suffice it to say that there are certain toxins (radioactivity would be a good example) that can have a direct effect on your cell, and cause a rogue cell to be produced. They may be external, or internal (for example, the free radicals you produce from everyday living). 

You make about 200 or so rogue cells throughout each day, but under normal circumstances your immune system mops them up. However if your immune system is impaired, they stand far more chance of beating the system, and you are then on your way to a cancer. There are many things that can weaken your immune system and are thus indirect causes of cancer. Where Cancer Bodies and Governments get their knickers in a twist is that they seem to only want to look at direct causes. And ones that cant sue them, or ones that dont give them money.

 So 25 years ago epidemiology studies linked smoking with increased risk of cancer, and warnings were put on pack labels. Science now has theories about how smoking may have both direct and indirect effects, and we are past the point of legal action by Tobacco Companies. But similar epidemiology studies (for example from the Karolinska Institute in Sweden) show that cows´ dairy is also linked to increased risk of cancer. But farmers vote for MPs. And there are lots of farmers.

 IARC, the International Agency for cancer in Lyon, has declared poor sleeping habits carcinogenic. Research shows that lack of sleep reduces melatonin levels and this is linked (probably via two hormones that melatonin seems to control, IGF-1 and Oestrogen) to increased cancer risk, probably directly and indirectly as melatonin is a powerful antioxidant too. Yet we know that EMFs reduce melatonin levels similarly. 

Some chemicals are directly toxic. Heavy metals like cadmium are linked to kidney cancer; mercury to leukaemia. After World War II the worldwide production of chemicals was 1 million tonnes. Now it approaches 500 million. Some chemical compounds like dioxins are extremely, and directly, toxic. Other chemical compounds like phthalates, parabens and BPA can mimic the action of oestrogen when in the body and have a number of serious and negative effects. They are called xenoestrogens and are endocrine disrupters. The World Health Organisation declared in a 2013 report that they were dangerous and should be kicked out. Oestrogen has been proven since 1994 (by the NCI in the USA) to be a cause of cancer; it fuels the fire.

 Of course there are Government Safe Limits on each of these hormone disrupting chemical ingredients. But firstly, new research has recently shown some of these to be set way too high. Secondly, Governments approve chemicals in parts per million or parts per billion, but hormones are so powerful they can work at levels of parts per trillion, a thousand to a hundred thousand times less concentrated. Thirdly, Dr Ana Soto of the Tufts Cancer Center in the USA has shown that xeno estrogens are cumulative in the body. Individually they may all be below Government safe levels - but cumulatively? The US Cancer Prevention Coalition covers research that shows the lifetime safe toxin level is exceeded by the time a baby reaches 18 months.

FIVE PRINCIPLES OF EXERCISE

FIVE PRINCIPLES OF EXERCISE

Getting back to exercise, variety is the name of the game. You also need to pay attention to intensity or level of difficulty. When an exercise becomes easy to complete, it’s a sign you need to work a little harder and give your body a new challenge. 

There are five types of exercises that will turn your peak fitness regimen into a truly comprehensive exercise plan:

1-Interval (Anaerobic) Training:

This really is aerobic and anaerobic, but the research shows that the anaerobic phase if far more important. The BEST way to condition your heart and burn fat is NOT to jog or walk steadily for an hour. Instead, it’s to alternate short bursts of high-intensity exercise with gentle recovery periods. This type of exercise, known as interval training or burst type training, can dramatically improve your cardiovascular fitness and fat-burning capabilities.

  Another major benefit of this approach is that it radically decreases the amount of time you spend exercising, while giving you even more benefits. For example, intermittent sprinting produces high levels of chemical compounds called catecholamines, which allow more fat to be burned from under your skin within the exercising muscles. The resulting increase in fat oxidation increases weight loss. So, short bursts of activity done at a very high intensity can help you reach your optimal weight and level of fitness, in a shorter amount of time. 

It also promotes the production of human growth hormone (HGH), known as “the fitness hormone,” which can help you add youthful vigor to your years, in addition to promoting weight loss and improved muscle building.

2-Aerobic:

Jogging, using an elliptical machine, and walking fast are all examples of aerobic exercise, which will increase the amount of oxygen in your blood and increase endorphins, which act as natural painkillers. Aerobic exercise also activates your immune system, helps your heart pump blood more efficiently, and increases your stamina over time. 

Just don’t make the mistake of using aerobic as your primary or only form of exercise, as you’ll forgo many of the most potent health benefits exercise has to offer if you do...

3- Strength Training:

Rounding out your exercise program with a 1-set strength training routine will ensure that you’re really optimizing the possible health benefits of a regular exercise program. You need enough repetitions to exhaust your muscles. The weight should be heavy enough that this can be done in fewer than 12 repetitions, yet light enough to do a minimum of four repetitions. It is also important NOT to exercise the same muscle groups every day. They need at least two days of rest to recover, repair and rebuild.

4-Core Exercises:

Your body has 29 core muscles located mostly in your back, abdomen and pelvis. This group of muscles provides the foundation for movement throughout your entire body, and strengthening them can help protect and support your back, make your spine and body less prone to injury and help you gain greater balance and stability.

Pilates and yoga are great for strengthening your core muscles, as are specific exercises you can learn from a personal trainer. Even if a personal trainer is not in the cards for you right now, please watch these sample videos for examples of healthy exercise routines you can do with very little equipment and in virtually any location. Focusing on your breath and mindfulness along with increasing your flexibility is an important element of total fitness. 

5-Stretching

 

 

Happiness is simple: You become what you consume.

Happiness is simple: You become what you consume.

You are continually consuming information in varying forms. The food you eat, the thoughts you think, the people you hang out with, the television shows you watch, the books you read, it all enters into your body, brain and nervous system. What it all adds up to is your life experience. What you allow to enter your mind and body determines the reality that you experience. For years you may have unknowingly allowed “garbage” to enter this complex system, but now you should have a higher awareness of what you need to do to overcome your past and head towards a brighter future. It starts now. Start focusing intently on your brighter future and the person you are going to be after you’ve successfully instilled the habits of a happy and successful person.

The process of becoming a happier and more positive person is simple but involves many things. I don’t expect anyone to implement everything mentioned in this book all at once. My only goal in writing this is to make you aware of the possibilities for you and show you that a series of small changes can make a huge difference. What I have found is that when someone begins to improve one part of their life, their diet for example, they naturally begin to improve other areas of their life as well. What I’m suggesting is that you choose one or two things in this blog and begin with them immediately. Your life will begin to improve so much that you will actually find yourself wanting to come back to the other methods and try them. Personal development can be addicting, but it’s the most rewarding thing you could do for yourself.

You are here for a reason. This blog did not land in your hands by accident. The fact that you have taken the time to read it shows that you have a desire for greater things. Maintain that desire and continue to focus on what you want. Never settle, because you deserve to live your dreams. Everyone does. Remember though, it starts with your mindset. Your actions will bear no fruits if you do not first overcome your limiting beliefs and realize how great you truly are.

A Healthy Body = A Happy Mind

A Healthy Body = A Happy Mind

A few years ago, when I was suffering from a deep depression, I was about 40 pounds overweight and in the worst shape of my life. I was in college at the time, and I was surrounded by fast food restaurants. I actually had a Taco Bell in my dorms! Needless to say, I was extremely unhealthy at the time, and I paid the price. It wasn’t until I started eating healthier and exercising that it became clear to me my previous diet was causing a large portion of my emotional pain and suffering. I went raw vegan for 4 months and started going to the gym 3 times per week, and my levels of energy and happiness went through the roof! I was literally jumping for joy on a regular basis because of how great I felt. Ever since, I have maintained a high level of health and fitness, and it has made a world of difference for me. 

 

 

The human body is designed to live off nature. It is also designed to move. When it does very little of those two things, it fails to function properly and you pay the price. If the majority of the foods you eat are processed (anything in a can or a box) and you’re eating very few fresh fruits and vegetables,then your body and brain are not getting what they need to function at a high level. Processed foods also contain many toxic chemicals that throw your body out of balance even further. The average American diet is likely responsible for much of people’s depression and emotional issues. It certainly is not helping.

Negative emotions are often your body’s way of telling you that it is out of balance and needs more nutrients.

The body is intelligent and will always tell you what it needs through it’s feedback mechanisms. Prescription and over the counter medicines block this feedback mechanism in their attempt to treat the symptoms, but the underlying problem is still there. It is an effective way to alleviate the pain, but it does nothing to treat the actual problem. Eating natural foods is not only an effective way to treat illness and disease, but it also an extremely effective remedy for depression, anger, and other negative emotions. I am no doctor, and I am not attempting to make any medical claims, but I do know from personal experience that proper nutrition and exercise go a long way in regards to overcoming negativity and seeing the world in a more positive light. It’s important not to see your body and mind as separate, because they are in fact one. An unhealthy body creates and unhealthy mind, and vice versa. Ideally, you should work on developing both, because your efforts will complement each other. If you improve your diet, you will improve your mental health. If you improve the quality of your thoughts (think positively), then your brain will release chemicals into your bloodstream that help to heal and maintain proper functioning of the body. Surely, you’ve gotten that tingly sensation throughout your body when you feel really happy, perhaps when you have a good laugh with your friends. That sensation is due to the brain’s release of certain neurotransmitters, or “happy chemicals.” Similarly, when you feed your body healthy, whole fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds, it is able to produce the chemical compounds that keep your brain and body functioning at maximum efficiency. I won’t delve any further into this subject, because I think you get the point. A healthy body equals a healthy and happy mind. It’s much easier to more positive light. It’s important not to see your body and mind as separate, because they are in fact one.

An unhealthy body creates and unhealthy mind, and vice versa. Ideally, you should work on developing both, because your efforts will complement each other. If you improve your diet, you will improve your mental health. If you improve the quality of your thoughts (think positively), then your brain will release chemicals into your bloodstream that help to heal and maintain proper functioning of the body. Surely, you’ve gotten that tingly sensation throughout your body when you feel really happy, perhaps when you have a good laugh with your friends. That sensation is due to the brain’s release of certain neurotransmitters, or “happy chemicals.” Similarly, when you feed your body healthy, whole fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds, it is able to produce the chemical compounds that keep your brain and body functioning at maximum efficiency.

I won’t delve any further into this subject, because I think you get the point. A healthy body equals a healthy and happy mind. It’s much easier to think happy thoughts when your body feels good and when you look good too. If you have aches and pains, it’s far too easy to complain and get trapped in a negative mindset. Consider treating your body with more care. You will be happier and enjoy a longer life as well.

The Power of Being In the Moment

The Power of Being In the Moment

The most enjoyable moments are the ones where we are fully immersed in what we are doing. When we are intently focused on one single thing is when we experience peace of mind. In other words, no thought. Since the act of thinking is responsible for much unhappiness and suffering in the world, it would be worthwhile to transcend thought altogether. Without thought, there is only peace and pure bliss. 

Most people can’t imagine what it would be like to not think. Thinking is the human condition, but it can be a blessing or a curse. Thinking is actually not necessary in many cases. There lies an incredible intelligence in our bodies that has the ability to guide us through life successfully, more successfully, in fact, than if we were to think our way through life. Thinking clouds our instinct and intuition and can actually inhibit our progress. When we are completely free of thought and in the present moment, we can make decisions with ease and experience happiness in everything we do. Even the simplest of things can bring you immense joy when you experience them as they are, that is to say experience them without judging or labeling them in any way. You’ve experienced this state of no thought before. Think back to some of the best moments of your entire life. It’s very likely that those moments were spent in a state of no thought, and that’s exactly why those moments were so enjoyable. 

There are a variety of ways that you can get into the present moment and experience no thought, but the easiest of them all is to simply do the activity that brings you the most joy. Perhaps it’s playing a musical instrument, reading, hiking outdoors, or spending time with your children. Whatever it is that you thoroughly enjoy, you should do more of it. Immerse yourself in the activities that get you out of your head and into the present moment, because those activities serve a great purpose. 

They serve the purpose of allowing you to realize your true nature and showing you that joy and happiness is your natural state beneath all the layers of thought you have accumulated over the years. While these activities may seem like only temporary relief from your pain,
they actually allow you to evolve and heal your pain. When you find your bliss and immerse yourself in it, you are one step closer to realizing that happiness is always available to you. The more bliss you experience, the easier it is to find it again. Eventually, you will be able to feel happy at your own choosing, no matter the circumstances. 

Here are a few other ways you can get into the present moment and experience greater peace of mind:

Exercise -

The act of physical exercise naturally takes your attention away from your thoughts and into your body. When your attention is within your body, you are in the present moment. This is one reason people find sports so enjoyable. Since they are in the present moment, the activity brings them a profound sense of inner peace and calm.

Meditation -

Basic meditation involves sitting in silence and doing nothing but focusing your attention on your breathing. This is great practice for getting into the present moment. Being in the present moment always involves focusing on one thing at a time, so any activity that forces you concentrate on a single task is beneficial. I strongly encourage everyone I know to start a meditation practice, as it is one of the most effective long term strategies for attaining higher levels of awareness and inner peace.

Artistic Pursuits -

The creation of all forms of art are extremely enjoyable for the artists, once again because it brings them into the present moment. This state of mind is sometimes called the “flow state.” It is a state of mind where the perception of time is lost and deep concentration takes place. In other words, a place where you can lose your mind and come to your senses. The activities that bring us this sensation of peace are a gift to us and a gift to the world as well, because only in that special state can we create the best art, the kind that comes from our heart.

Do more of what you love to do, and you will experience more happiness and have more love to give to others. Many people who seem cold and withdrawn from the world are people who feel as if they have little to live for. If they only discovered their passion and lost themselves in artistic expression of that passion, they would have more to live for than they could now imagine. 

Doing what you love and what makes you happy is not selfish. It is one of the most generous things you could do for others. Only when your cup is full can you give anything away. Find your bliss so that others may be inspired to do the same.

The Foundation of Positive Change

Awareness: The Foundation of Positive Change

The foundation of positive change is awareness. If you want to make a major change to a particular area of your life, you will need to first be aware of what exactly is holding you back from the outcome you desire. Almost always, the block is a mental one. The nature of your thoughts is responsible for your success and happiness, or lack thereof. Once you become fully aware of the negative thoughts that inhabit your mind, you can begin to eliminate them and replace them with positive thoughts that uplift you and propel you toward a greater future. In this chapter, I will describe a few methods for increasing your awareness, and thus enhancing your ability to think positively the majority of the time.

In our busy society, we rarely ever stop to analyze our lives in detail. Distractions are everywhere, and they can greatly inhibit our self-improvement. It is of crucial importance that you create the habit of daily relaxation and introspection, so that you can better understand your own mental blocks and formulate a plan to improve your circumstances.

Consider taking 5 to 10 minutes each day to do the following exercise:

Designate a time each day, preferably right before you go to sleep, to sit alone quietly with your thoughts. Instead of attempting to distract yourself with something, simply sit and listen to your inner voice. What is it saying? How does it make you feel at the moment? Reflect upon your day. What made you happy? Did anything upset you? Ask yourself these types of questions and really analyze every aspect of your life. Don’t judge your thoughts as “good” or “bad,” but just let them come and go naturally. After you’ve done that for a few minutes, get a piece of paper or a journal of some sort and just start writing down everything that comes to mind. Do not censor or edit yourself. Write for about 5 minutes without stopping. Then, read what you’ve written. After doing this a few times, it will give you a good indication of what types of thoughts are dominating your mind. From there, you can begin to make some noticeable changes to your overall attitude. 

Every time you do this free-writing exercise, go back through and re-read it to yourself, then highlight or re-write
one positive thing that stands out. If nothing about what you’ve written is positive, look back at your day again and force yourself to find one good thing about it. End each of these free-writing sessions with one positive statement and a statement that represents an optimistic outlook for the following day. 

So, your ending sentences might sound something like this: 

• Today, I had a really nice conversation with a co-worker, and that made me happy. Tomorrow, I’m going to try to smile more and eat at least one healthy meal.

This exercise is very simplistic, but please do not overlook the importance of it, because it is truly life-changing if done consistently. The simple act of writing down your thoughts dramatically increases your self-awareness, which is the starting point and foundation for all positive change. Ending each writing session with positive statements slowly re-programs your mind to focus more on the positive and less on the negative. What you focus on expands. Positive thoughts attract more positive thoughts, so if you can initially use some willpower to think more uplifting thoughts, your positive thoughts will eventually begin to outweigh the negative, and momentum is on your side once you reach that critical tipping point. Remember, it’s only hard in the beginning. The better you get at positive thinking, the more natural it will become, and success and happiness will come naturally as well.

How to Have a Stress-Free Pregnancy

How to Have a Stress-Free Pregnancy?

Why have a stress free pregnancy?

• Pregnancy, while a beautiful and wonderful thing, can also be hugely stressful. It’s a time of massive change, both physically and emotionally.

• If it’s your first pregnancy, then your life is about to change forever. Not only will you trying to prepare mentally for something which is impossible to prepare for, but you will also be mourning the passing of your current life.. the end of an era.. the end of the time when it was just the two of you. None of this is insignificant.

• By the end, you’re more than ready to give birth. Even the easy pregnancies can make you feel like this. Looking back, I can safely say that first time around, I pretty much had a stress free pregnancy. I hardly noticed I was pregnant, other than the obvious bump that was growing … My life just carried on as normal.

• I hardly had any symptoms or challenges and yet, by the last month I was done with it. The night-time peeing, the inability to lie on your back in bed, not being able to reach your feet…

• I could go on! Compared to my first pregnancy, my second pregnancy was a total nightmare and I was done in by month 5! As well as having a load more pregnancy symptoms, those that I had were cranked up to max… it all felt pretty hardcore.

• The idea of a stress free pregnancy seemed very far away at that point. My pregnant state was totally stressing me out! Why have a stress free pregnancy? De-stressing in your pregnancy should really be up there on the list of important pregnancy to-do’s along with eating well, avoiding alcohol and cigarettes and staying fit.

• After all, we do all this “for baby” and yet de-stressing is as important as all of these and here’s why… Do it for baby! When we’re pregnant, we’re bombarded with lists of all the things that we should stop doing, eating and drinking.

• But nobody tells us that we should stop with the stressing too. Admittedly , is not such as easy one to fix, but given that we know there are links between maternal stress and the health and wellbeing of the baby, de-stressing should definitely be on that list.

• And, for those of you who are hopeless at doing anything worthwhile for yourselves, but don’t hesitate doing something for others, then this your chance to shine. 

• Not only will baby thank you for putting the effort into aiming for a stress free pregnancy, but you’ll love yourself for it too!  “if I can’t do this for me, I must at least try for my baby’s sake” The hormones! Your hormones are going to go crazy during your pregnancy and it’s possible that your mind will be unrecognisable.

• In my first pregnancy, my hormones were very well behaved, but in my second pregnancy they were vicious little beasts.

• The thing with hormones is that they amplify what you’re feeling, so if you’re feeling delicate and vulnerable then by the time your hormones

• have finished with you, you’ll be sobbing in a pile of tissues over even the tiniest thing.

• So to help you manage the hormonal craziness, it’s worth taking the time to de-stress and be calm, otherwise a stress-free pregnancy will be but a dream.

• Stresses change throughout your pregnancy One thing I noticed, was that my stresses had a life all of their own during my pregnancies.

• They would come and go, evolve, disappear. New ones would show up, some would increase, others would disappear as quickly as they arrived.

• My hormones clearly didn’t help me with my aim of a stress free pregnancy, but given that it’s a period enormous change, on the inside and the outside, this is not entirely surprising. So as you think about your stresses, bear in mind that you need to Consider where you are in your pregnancy Remain self aware and revisit them often so that you capture the new ones that have popped into your life It’s a time of huge change in your life, but we’re adaptable beings.

• And for some of us, once we get used to something, the stress that it might have caused us initially, starts to subside. But that often means that new stresses jump right in to replace them – it did for me anyhow!

• Your first trimester can so easily a be a rollercoaster of emotions. Discovering your pregnant, dealing with your hormones and trying not to think too much about the risk of miscarriage can make it a rocky ride.

• So in this section I’ve gathered some episodes that I help will help with the challenges of the first trimester as well as help to start broadening your knowledge about birth.

• Coping with a miscarriage If you’ve already suffered a miscarriage then being pregnant once more will bring this to the fore for you.

• Given the high rate of miscarriages, it may also be the way that your current pregnancy goes. Even though this is great episode and my guest is brilliant, I always hope that people don’t need to listen to it.

• But we can’t hide from miscarriages; they happen and talking about them is important. How to have a stress-free pregnancy We’ve all heard how being stressed affects your baby ، so in this episode I share how you can reduce your experience of stress during your pregnancy. Hypnobirthing Hypnobirthing is widely considered a great way to prepare for your birth.

• In this episode I speak to hypnobirthing practitioner, Dr Eva Detko about what it is and why it’s so popular and effective. Staying fit during pregnancy Staying fit is super important so in this episode I’m joined by pre and post natal fitness expert, Dr Joanne Helcke to talk about how you stay fit.

• We even talk about the dreaded pelvic floor exercises! How epigenetics can help with pregnancy symptoms Epigenetics is a new field of science that is shaking up our understanding of dis-ease in the body and our ideas and assumptions about genetics.

• What’s really interesting about all this is how we can apply these new understandings to our pregnancy symptoms to make them go away. Interview with Nicola Goodall, Doula and Birthkeeper In this interview I chat to doula, Nicola Goodall. It’s always great listening to a doula because they know so much about birth. Nicola’s philosophy really shines through and she has much wisdom to share.