The longest study on Happiness

The longest study on Happiness

Grouch Marx once ironically stated, “My son, happiness is made of little things: a small yacht, a little mansion, a small fortune…” And yet, look at all the unhappy men with bulging wallets. Happiness is a widely discussed topic, and still it is quite disconcerting. In fact, many sociological studies show that most people have no idea what it is that makes them happy.

Money, love, and health. It seems that the only external component that really makes us happy is love, and the intensity of our relationships is what makes us happiest the longest.

As one of the characters of the movie Into the Wild puts it, “Happiness is only real when shared.” According to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger in a recent survey of what were the most important goals for young people, 80% of the respondents said they wanted to be millionaires. In addition, half of them also wanted to be famous.

This is why we work hard, to achieve those goals and achieve more. We are given the impression that these are the things that we must pursue in order to be happy, but to what extent is it so? Fame or money, "it is not that they are bad, there are happy famous people and  unhappy famous people" added the Academic.

One study shows that beyond a level where our needs are met, an increase in income will not necessarily make us happy. "We're not saying that you can not propose to earn more money or be proud of your work and that others notice it, but it's important not to expect your happiness to depend on those things." At Harvard University in 1938, an investigation began into what makes us happy by monitoring the mental, emotional and physical state of 724 young people ranging from the highest 

social classes to the lowest.

One of the participants was a US president [John F. Kennedy]. For decades they answered questionnaires about their family, work, and their life in the community. The investigation continues even after almost 80 years with more than 2000 people from the children of the original participants.

American psychiatrist Robert Waldinger is the current director of the study, the fourth since its inception. He gave a TED Talk about the Project: "What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on Happiness", which became viral with millions of reproductions. Waldinger said: "There are many conclusions in this study, but the important thing to keep ourselves happy and healthy throughout our lives, is the quality of our relationships." Feeling lonely has to do with how many friends we have, whether we are in a relationship or if we get 1000 likes in our social networks. "The social tendency is to isolate ourselves, to stay at home in front of our screens, but in my own life I have realized that when I am happier it is when I am not doing that", adds the director. Our happiness depends on the quality of connection that we have with friends, colleagues, and family.

This means creating relationships by feeling comfortable with yourself, being able to count on the other person if you need it. Those who do so will be happier and healthier for longer. If anything, I learned from traveling that the places themselves were not important but rather the people I met. When it comes to choosing my favourite cities, I chose the ones where I formed strong relationships with others. Places can give you the atmosphere, can be the complement, but I think it's the people who make a complete experience.

When I was traveling alone for almost 2 years, I ended up on an island paradise in southern Cambodia, Koh Rong. It's known for its beauty and the high risk of diseases such as the dengue virus. Walking along the beaches, one would see packs of wild dogs keeping away the deadliest snakes in the world. Having just arrived on the island, they offered me excursions of all kinds. None of them gained my interest. I imagined myself traveling on a boat to different, probably incredible beaches but with nothing I would not have seen before.

I had already lost the excitement for that and preferred to go party and meet new people. As it typically happens on a paradise island, I meet a girl who caught my eye. In my humble and objective gaze she was more attractive than any of the beaches on the island. She invited me to go with her friends on one of the boat trips, the ones that bored me. I accepted it as it now sounded exciting, and it turned out to be amazing, maybe one of the best tours I have ever done. And definitely was because of her. It was in Bromo, Indonesia, where I met a Frenchman and two Germans and we made our own way to cross the Volcano instead of paying for a tour. It was on the coast of Thailand, when we made a big group of friends from all over the world and we swam in the sea to an outcrop of stones to snorkel among five-foot-long sharks. In Sydney, Australia, we played massive games of football in the big parks of the city every Sunday.

The same happened to me when I arrived in Paris. I liked Paris, it was nice, but what made it incredible was seeing my sister for the first time in more than two years. I had many other good solo tours too but the ones I remember most were the ones I shared with someone. As a phrase by Tim Cahill puts it, "A trip is better measured in friends than in miles" According to the data collected in his study, Waldinger asserted that one could predict who would live longer, not because of their cholesterol but because of the degree of satisfaction in their relationships.

As the writer Gabriel G. Marquez said: "No medicine cures what happiness cannot". On the other hand, those who are lonely and less connected than they would like, will have less satisfaction and health in their lives. They will be less happy, more susceptible to both physical and psychological problems and their brain function will deteriorate (greater memory loss for example). This does not mean that we should like everyone, nor that we should be happy all the time. It doesn't mean that you will never fight or have any disagreement! That is impossible! It is about putting more attention on connecting with others in a more genuine way. If this is done, any dispute will be easier to cope with. Now, why is it so difficult to accomplish this? Waldinger states that 1 in 5 people report feeling lonely. It is also said that about 50% of marriages end up in divorce, not to mention that another large percentage remains united but unhappy.

Relationships are complicated and have little glamour when compared to money or fame. I believe that relationships are overestimated, believed to be something that should flow naturally, when in fact they depend on a lot of work and understanding. A quote from Jim Rohn, which I believe is appropriate for any kind of relationship: “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, "if you take care of me I will take care of you." Now I say, "I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me." There are infinite options on how to work on relationships: Whether we spend more time with our loved ones, rebuild broken relationships, cook with someone, try new activities, or see people we have not seen for a long time. There is no “quick fix” for a good life. Nurturing your relationships takes energy and commitment.